Past Realizations on Friendship 1: The Student
I remember once, I had this student. He was a nice guy, polite, respectful, one that you would expect from an educated person with good breeding. I was their Thesis A instructor then, and had a lot of one-on-one interaction with my students. So I got to know a lot of them, and I was a very involved instructor such that they had my contact numbers and everything. Anyway, by the end of the term I was friends with this student of mine. We would check up on each other from time to time, and at times he'd drive me home from school, or from the office when I quit my job as instructor.
During the time my Dad died, he had been there to console me. He was one of those few people who would be there to be my sounding board. Oftentimes I would be venting out my frustrations and sadness over the course of my grief. It was shortly after that time when I felt that I had to take a course of action for my career. So I decided to take his thesis and offered to help him with it. I needed the test-run, to see if I could pull it off. More importantly I wanted to help a friend.
I remember asking Jeff what he thought about it. He said it would be good for me(my career in the long run), but wasn't sure about this guy's intentions of befriending his once teacher. Trusting as I am I told him my case of why I think this student was not using me or anything. After all, I was the one who offered, I said. My friends, knowing how stubborn I am with trying to stick to my (more often than not flawed) instincts, discussed it but weren't vigilant about making me drop my would-be friend. They knew me well.
As the software and the documentation of the thesis was almost complete, my doubts grew more and more. To top it off, I was guilty for having these doubts about him. As usual I would discuss this to my long time friends (The Bytekeepers!) about what they think about this. Jeff said point blank that even if this friend's intentions were valid, he didn't think he could maintain the ties that we had after this endeavor(the Thesis) was over. A case of the having all the intentions but not the will.
Suffice it to say, shortly after this friend graduated, we slowly but surely lost ties with one another. Yes, we'd still talk at times until now but that rapport never did come back. I called him recently and he said to call again after a time. I was taken aback by that one, I thought: "I'm here abroad and I made the effort to call, don't you get it?" After that call I decided to delete his number for the time being. If the chance was there then we'd be able to keep contact again. But not now. Overall, it was not healthy for anyone to keep a one-way friendship especially being far away from home. I needed friendships that were self-affirming.
In retrospect I wonder... Do they start out with good intentions and I just somehow corrupt them by trying to help them?
During the time my Dad died, he had been there to console me. He was one of those few people who would be there to be my sounding board. Oftentimes I would be venting out my frustrations and sadness over the course of my grief. It was shortly after that time when I felt that I had to take a course of action for my career. So I decided to take his thesis and offered to help him with it. I needed the test-run, to see if I could pull it off. More importantly I wanted to help a friend.
I remember asking Jeff what he thought about it. He said it would be good for me(my career in the long run), but wasn't sure about this guy's intentions of befriending his once teacher. Trusting as I am I told him my case of why I think this student was not using me or anything. After all, I was the one who offered, I said. My friends, knowing how stubborn I am with trying to stick to my (more often than not flawed) instincts, discussed it but weren't vigilant about making me drop my would-be friend. They knew me well.
As the software and the documentation of the thesis was almost complete, my doubts grew more and more. To top it off, I was guilty for having these doubts about him. As usual I would discuss this to my long time friends (The Bytekeepers!) about what they think about this. Jeff said point blank that even if this friend's intentions were valid, he didn't think he could maintain the ties that we had after this endeavor(the Thesis) was over. A case of the having all the intentions but not the will.
Suffice it to say, shortly after this friend graduated, we slowly but surely lost ties with one another. Yes, we'd still talk at times until now but that rapport never did come back. I called him recently and he said to call again after a time. I was taken aback by that one, I thought: "I'm here abroad and I made the effort to call, don't you get it?" After that call I decided to delete his number for the time being. If the chance was there then we'd be able to keep contact again. But not now. Overall, it was not healthy for anyone to keep a one-way friendship especially being far away from home. I needed friendships that were self-affirming.
In retrospect I wonder... Do they start out with good intentions and I just somehow corrupt them by trying to help them?
posted by JA | 10:39 AM
3 Comments:
I used to be so conscious about whether the ties I have with people are real. Hours and hours were spent in coffeeshops trying to wonder about it. At the end of the day, all you have is the trust that you yourself are true to the people you call friends.
as friendship ends... comes professionalism... :p
Update on this: We've been talking again. I realized, he's the one who told me that "however I treat my friends, I should not expect to be reciprocated with the same treatment"... Reactions anyone?
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