Midnight Anxiety: Greatest Fear

My Filipino boss talked to me today about my request to leave earlier than the expected time(December). I had requested to go home on September, when the opportunity to do such request presented itself. I have so many reasons for going home. But when I was asked why, it took a moment to search for the answer. But beyond the clutter of reasons in my head, I only had one glaring answer... It was for my mother.

I know that my mother and I haven't actually been the best of friends. Well at least since my Dad died. People could better describe my relationship with her as a struggle for power, a struggle for control. I know I have a lot of issues with her. I could never appreciate the hard decisions she sends my way. Or the way she inadvertantly hurts people's feelings. But ultimately, she IS my last surviving parent. Now that she's going under the knife(again!), I am plagued by memories of the years that passed. I could never undergo through the same ordeal with my Father back in 2001. When he died in Davao, I was stuck in Manila finishing my thesis document. The family agreed that it would be best for me to stay there and focus on completing my requirements for graduation.

Overwhelmed by shock, I was practically a zombie then. Fortunately I had cavalry, my friends (led by Jeff, of course) were there to push me to the right direction.

I just hope that my request pushes through. I need to support my family during this trying time.