The Power of the Written Word

Today, my brother commented that I could start writing(professionally), judging from my entries, and from my recent works with the new site. I think I could pull that off. I figured I've already tried out most things in my life, might as well add writing to that, right?

Seriously, I just found writing to be a good outlet of my thoughts, which is the same perspective I have for my sketching. Starting out as a hobby and then getting myself to this point, I feel that it's as if circumstance has given me the gift of responsibility.

You see, the thing about the written word is that ideas(whether it be good or bad) are believed by people when they are placed on paper. The power of the immortalized word is so great that it seeps into the public consciousness over time. Sadly, most of the ideas that get through are instrumental to pushing the envelope of morality.

The pen is mightier than the sword. But it is not just an instrument of evil but of life as well. A great burden is given to each one who wields its power.

The Price for Financial Freedom: Priceless!

Money is liquid asset. It doesn't matter how much one has, it can be exhausted faster than it can be earned, ten-fold.

I should know, I once went from a high paying job to getting a net salary of less than 2k (bad case of giving too much to your family, shortly after my Father died). I can be very frugal, to a point of being shrewd. But I think that I've achieved that state where my frugality doesn't affect my spending behavior. It that was last year when I hit that point. Thinking back, the main driving principles I had were these, in the order of importance:

Be organized with your finances. I always keep a notebook where I do my accounting and calculation of my bills versus my net salary. I use a steno notebook because it's lightweight and thin. It's part of my daily inventory, so that whenever I have free time, say I'm waiting for a friend in a coffeeshop, I can just take it out and do the numbers. PDAs and other electronics don't cut it, I think, the handwritten word is still the best.
Pay yourself first. I got myself to doodle this all over my budget notebooks. This is the rule I live by with my finances, and has made me close most of my plastic money last year, and all the remaining ones are zero-balanced to date. This means that before anything else, prioritize first and foremost the payment of your liabilities. That also means that you give a big chunk to pay creditors, before dividing the rest. For me, that meant giving up my bonuses to pay off my credit cards at that time.
Put the "Pay yourself first" principle in mind when buying. Do you know that the Philippine Government, by virtue of law, uses 50% of the yearly Budget to pay our international debt? If you don't want to pay big, don't buy big, enough said.
Avoid impulse buying. This is the rule I break most of the time, but the previous rule is my failsafe. Practice this: when you see something you want, let a day pass before you come back to buy the item.
If you have to shop, schedule it every quarter. I do a one-time shopping-spree every quarter of the year (approximately everytime the new line comes out, can you say BIG SALE!). If it has to be status shopping, meaning you want people to oohh and aahh at your affluent ways, better it be once every 90 days. They won't notice that it was three months ago since you were sosi. You will be permanently tagged as such. :-)

The idea is to be a sensible consumer. What does everyone know about dieting? Starving yourself is not the way. Now if I can only apply this to my eating, hmmm...

Exhilirating!

Am I crazy or what? Yesterday I was as low-key as ever. Today was good, I never knew coding would make me happy. I am nothing if not a computer nerd :-)

Seriously, my day started out quite lonely with the feelings I had from yesterday. But Jeff was right. First thing this morning I decided to take charge of my day. No one was going to take the sunshine away from me. Self-motivation is key.

But the day wasn't without flaws though. People you trust, people you are comfortable spending time with, forgetting you is always a bummer. But I thought, "whatever, you people are not important enough for me...", I guess it's my self-motivation's snowball effect.

There are two types of downers, the controllable ones and the circumstances beyond your control. Ignore the latter and focus on the ones you can do something about.
-JPCS National Leadership Training, Baguio City

Low Day

Its wierd but, right now I feel like I'm stuck, suffocating in something intangible. I feel like I'm trapped here, and I can't do anything about it... and worse, it feels as if I placed myself in this situation, in this void of a life.

I need to reflect on this. Whatever is causing me to feel this way needs to be resolved quick. I feel like I'm going to breakdown soon.

It's like I'm drowning and nobody's here to help me. No one to reach out to...

It's one of those low days again (guys help!), the worst one I've had in a long time.

Link to my Pics

My Pictures can be viewed at JAZZ21'S Photos.

Legoland

Legoland, where Stuart, Arlyn and I did our GEEK SHOPPING SPREE!!! I finally have a Robotics Invention System, woohoo!

End of Week Reflection: The Light in the Tunnel

"Why do people die?", one asks... "To make life important.", the other answers.

Life is important. It needs to be appreciated, not only for the good times but also for the bad times that make us strong.

I used to live by the belief that people are placed here on earth to experience sensations: of love, hate, both the good and the bad. Somewhere along the way I forgot that. But I'm ready to believe in it again.

The Light is not just at the end of the tunnel, its also in each one who walk towards it.

There's a flower in the smallest garden, reaching for the light...
There's a candle in the darkest corner, conquering the night...
There's a power in the faintest heartbeat, that cannot be denied...
There's a fire inside of everybody, burning clear & bright.
- Billy Gilman

End of Week Reflection: Far from Home

Being far from the people you trust, from your place of solitude, from your sanctuary, its funny how each step and each small choice you have to make somehow becomes a big chore for you.

I remember back home, after all the aches and pains in the office, the stressful days, the hard decisions made and sometimes humiliating moments, it was always a relief that at the end of the day, I could retreat to my home. My house is in the middle of the city. But somehow it feels like the countryside, with it being tucked inside a compound, hidden from the main roads of the village. You hear no cars and no sound from passers-by.

My space, the common room that was once bustling with people chattering (there were a lot of people living there before), is now a silent place. It is where I sit to contemplate about the events of the day.

My space always put the complications of life in a better perspective, making the crazy part of it more bearable.

Money and People

When people stumble on to a sudden rise in cash inflow (inheritance, significant pay-rise, etc.), how do they normally react to that situation?


I think you can divide these groups of people into two. The ones who can handle it, and the ones who can't.

The first ones are usually not new to this thing. Most of them have already counted their first million, and so this is just another trip around the block. They don't see their lives changed by material things. As a result, they don't have a drastic change of outlook. They view it like an extra icing on the cake... No big deal.

The second group is more interesting. They are the ones who think that they are well-off now, that because they earn more they are above the rest. They might not admit it consciously but it is developed in their persona, to a point that people notice. In most cases, you see the financial behavior of this people spin out of control such that when the flux of cash inflow is gone they find it difficult to go back to their frugal spending habits. As far as damages go, money is the least to worry about. The arrogance and lack of consideration these people develop will start to cut them off from their friends.

Remember, material things help the living survive. But food, shelter... they only sustain the body, the shell of the person. Its the non-material things that make us human.

COH Force is finally up!

Force is finally online! But a lot is still in the works. Only the frontpage and the guestbook is functional as of yet. Thanks Aki for the effort!

View the page here. Watch out for updates.

The Bytekeeper Chronicles 1: The Beginning

I mentioned them in my last entry. I think I should just talk about them and try to give justice to what this group means to me.

A Bytekeeper is a status symbol. Being a Bytekeeper meant that you are one of the best in your field, and you have to be at par (with relative magnitude) with the other members in terms of success, confidence or knowledge. Being a Bytekeeper during college meant that you had an enormous potential to live up to.

Here are the surviving members of the group:
Edward M. - Internet Security/Hacking
Jeff S. - Systems Analysis and Design
Rom F. - Programming/Project Management/Software Development
Yuki F. - Macromedia Technology/Multimedia
Alex P. - Dubbed Leader of the Group/SQL/Database Mgt./Software Development
Sam S. - Web Development/Web Entrepreneurship
Angelo S. (moi!) - Multimedia/Web Development

Unlike your average group, we did not have humble beginnings. The Dean of Computer Studies in my College wanted to get together a group of students who showed skill in the different fields of Computer Science. So from the recommendations of the teachers, and in my case my winning of the Web Page Competition a year before, the PROGRAMMER'S POOL was formed. Months after, when the infamous Love Bug Virus struck (from our College I might add) the group was commissioned to help find a solution for it. After that, everybody realized that there really was great potential in this group, an almost tangible potential. We knew that the group would go beyond the College, so we needed a name. Originating from the fact that we started out as 8 (a full byte has 8 bits) and that the turning point was to put a stop to a virus (a keeper of cyber integrity), it was not hard to see where Bytekeepers came from.

Past Realizations on Friendship 1: The Student

I remember once, I had this student. He was a nice guy, polite, respectful, one that you would expect from an educated person with good breeding. I was their Thesis A instructor then, and had a lot of one-on-one interaction with my students. So I got to know a lot of them, and I was a very involved instructor such that they had my contact numbers and everything. Anyway, by the end of the term I was friends with this student of mine. We would check up on each other from time to time, and at times he'd drive me home from school, or from the office when I quit my job as instructor.

During the time my Dad died, he had been there to console me. He was one of those few people who would be there to be my sounding board. Oftentimes I would be venting out my frustrations and sadness over the course of my grief. It was shortly after that time when I felt that I had to take a course of action for my career. So I decided to take his thesis and offered to help him with it. I needed the test-run, to see if I could pull it off. More importantly I wanted to help a friend.

I remember asking Jeff what he thought about it. He said it would be good for me(my career in the long run), but wasn't sure about this guy's intentions of befriending his once teacher. Trusting as I am I told him my case of why I think this student was not using me or anything. After all, I was the one who offered, I said. My friends, knowing how stubborn I am with trying to stick to my (more often than not flawed) instincts, discussed it but weren't vigilant about making me drop my would-be friend. They knew me well.

As the software and the documentation of the thesis was almost complete, my doubts grew more and more. To top it off, I was guilty for having these doubts about him. As usual I would discuss this to my long time friends (The Bytekeepers!) about what they think about this. Jeff said point blank that even if this friend's intentions were valid, he didn't think he could maintain the ties that we had after this endeavor(the Thesis) was over. A case of the having all the intentions but not the will.

Suffice it to say, shortly after this friend graduated, we slowly but surely lost ties with one another. Yes, we'd still talk at times until now but that rapport never did come back. I called him recently and he said to call again after a time. I was taken aback by that one, I thought: "I'm here abroad and I made the effort to call, don't you get it?" After that call I decided to delete his number for the time being. If the chance was there then we'd be able to keep contact again. But not now. Overall, it was not healthy for anyone to keep a one-way friendship especially being far away from home. I needed friendships that were self-affirming.

In retrospect I wonder... Do they start out with good intentions and I just somehow corrupt them by trying to help them?

Are you real, Monalisa? Or just a cold and lonely, lovely work of art...

I love, love, love Paris. Dream come true!!!

O.C.

No! Not the show! I'm talking about the disorder(uhhumm, the mental disorder?!). I seem to have fallen under the growing population of slighty Obsessive Compulsive young people walking around the earth.

O.C. - is a medical brain disorder that causes problems in information processing. It is as though the brain gets stuck on a particular thought or urge and just can't let go. - Obsessive Compulsive Foundation

Ok so now that I know its an actual mental disorder, I'm starting to worry about getting it. Is worrying about getting O.C. disorder a symptom of O.C.? Argh, this is a paradox. Seriously, I'm really forgetful by nature, that's why I've learned to check and most of the time, recheck whether I've left something and the like. I think its better to describe it as being detail-oriented, any objections? :-D

Poker Night with the Gang

Here is a picture of the group from Poker Night last April 2 at Scott and Monika's apartment. We really are perfecting those group picture poses, aren't we?

My site (coming soon)

I am growing awfully impatient about my site coming up. But I'm hoping it'll be up soon, or at least a part of it. I sketched this pic and then took a picture of it for my bro to create a 3d model from. That was a month ago. I decided to use the same picture and edited it in MSPaint. And the other one is the 3d my brother converted for City of Heroes. I don't have the adequate tools for drawing here in DK, sorry!

Happier Days

A picture of everyone during my surprise birthday party. The first surprise birthday party I had in my life. Thanks guys!

Midnight Anxiety: My Dad (continued)

I'm here at the office right now, on a Saturday, working to pass the day. Whenever I look at the time(regardless of the time difference between Manila and here), I can't help but recall what I was doing at that same moment three years ago.

I first realized it last night when it was just over midnight. We were at a club then, after the dinner that us Filipinos organized as a team-building activity. I was in that room, with music booming in the background, and I was stunned by the irony of this moment and three years ago. I remember that fateful night I lost my Dad. That was a few minutes passed midnight, or 1 am, I don't know. All I remember doing was calling Mayeec on my mobile to tell her, and texting Rom, and Jeff, my sight blurred by tears and hands trembling.

Throughout today, from the time I woke up, I've been haunted by the memories of what happened 3 years ago. I remember that it was as if I was paralyzed that day, the hurt was almost physical. I lost one of my bestfriends. I never knew something could hurt me so bad. The wound was so deep that it never really healed.

Today, I learned the true meaning what I had said to my friend Toni to console her: It will never be OK that he's not here anymore, but I promise you it will get better...

Midnight Anxiety: My Dad

Tomorrow, It'll be three years since my Dad died, I realized just now. I miss him so dearly. He would have been the only parent I have who would genuinely be proud of me.

Do you know what's the most painful part about someone dying? I do... It's saying his name, even when you're alone, into the silent night, and knowing that there's no chance he's gonna answer back.

A Change of Medium, A Change of Pace

I've started to write again, and also resumed my sketching. This time around though, I plan to share it with people, not just my brother and a few others. I think its time my art went out there. In this endeavor the prevalent feeling is discomfort, but I know that it comes with the territory.

The site for my art will be up soon, I'm excited. :-)

J.D.'s Quote According to J.A.

The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one - Wilhelm Stekel, Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

I love this quote. Sometimes it makes me think that half of the heroes of the world are immature. But as they say, the courageous may not live long, but the cautious do not live at all... Maybe a healthy mix of the two is needed. Something we can call Cautious Spontaneity, ei?

Friday again! Time for a dilemma!

It's Friday again, giving me two days of rest. But sometimes I dread Fridays because I would have to decide how I want to spend my free time. A big part of me just wants to sleep it off, and hide from the rest of the World. Going out with my colleagues have been a bit of discomfort ever since their circle of friends started to include other people. I find myself not wanting to spend time with people I don't know much about. I feel it's a waste when you don't know how valuable these ties are to you, and just how valid they are. On the other hand, not spending time with my colleagues, or to a point avoiding them, would sever the ties that bind me with the few people I know in this "strange land". Oh man, life used to be much simpler!

Anyone have a big enough rock?

It's been one gloomy day to the next. I feel like I just want to hide under a rock and let the days pass quickly.

Insightful Words said to a friend

I believe that it is not so much as the "right time" as it is yourself who is affecting the change in your life.

- My reply to a friend who said that he is waiting for his right time, a week back. Patted myself on the back for coming up with that one.

I miss my friends

I miss my friends. Not just the normal day to day friends, I'm talking about colleagues from way back, Rom, Jeff, and the few others who stuck with me along the way. These guys helped me through a lot, celebration of life, through deaths in the family, betrayal of other friends, everything.

I know that these friendships don't need to be talked about, nor do we need to see each other to trust that our friendships linger (as Rom says it), but sometimes I kind of feel like I'm lost without them. Hope to see you soon guys!

Missing the City of the Doge

I miss Venice!!! I want to go back there soon.

Start of a new day

A new medium where I can put my thoughts. Watch out for more.